Or – how I experienced the Power of Listening!

As a young and ambitious teacher, I often felt compelled to give especially good tips and advice. When students or others are in difficult situations, we want to find solutions as quickly as possible. It’s well-intentioned, right? But good intentions don’t always lead to good outcomes.

The Challenge: A Student in Trouble

I was assigned a 15-year-old student who was constantly getting into trouble—at school, at home, everywhere. I had a counseling session at that time, and this student was sent to me, not voluntarily. Naturally, I wanted to help, so I started with a thousand suggestions, tips, and exercises he could try. I also told him it would be good if he could calm down a bit. He exploded. Rightfully so.

A Turning Point: Listening Instead of Talking

He said, „I can’t calm down. I’m just stressed, I can’t meet any of the expectations placed on me, and no one listens to me—not even you. I’m leaving.“ I bit my tongue, swallowed my pride, and asked him if he would stay if I just listened. He said, „You can’t do that. Everyone just lectures me.“ I looked at the clock and said, „Okay, we have 20 minutes left, and I won’t say a single word, just listen. If I can’t do it, you don’t have to come back.“

Silence and the Art of real Listening

Five minutes of silence. It was hard to endure, for me. The student sat directly across from me and just looked at me—first challengingly, but gradually, it became a bit more relaxed. Then he started talking, and I practiced active, mindful listening. As he spoke, I had to restrain myself several times from interjecting with, „I want to say something about that.“ Gradually, I noticed how I could fully engage with his words and what was troubling him, and how it felt to be 100% present—with him, not with what I thought I should say.

A New Perspective

This listening touched and moved me in a whole new way! At the end of the 20 minutes, there was still some tension in the room, but it felt more open, attentive, and mutually respectful. I learned so much in those 20 minutes! I asked him if he would come back next week, and he grinned and said, „If you keep quiet!“ I nodded and just smiled.

Conclusion: The Power of Listening

It’s easy to tell others what they should, must, or could do—especially when we are in positions or situations where we believe we know better. What would be different if we just listened, were present, and immersed ourselves in the experience instead of giving the next best tip? Perhaps we are in situations with others that trigger us, and we want others to adjust, calm down, and comply. What if, instead, we listened and were open to the experience the other person is going through, without claiming to know better? Let’s share the experience without judging, fixing, or expecting the other person to calm down. 

Just being there with open ears, hearts, and minds is really valuable!

Feel free to share your thoughts or similar experiences in the comments below. 

How has listening made a difference in your life?